Delayed

Ever have a flight delayed? You were told that you would arrive at your destination at a specific time, but one factor or another caused that time to change. Delays are inconvenient. Delays are annoying. Delays are unexpected. I feel like my life has been delayed. Society told me that I would have arrived at the next chapter by now. That I would be married and taking on the world. But that hasn't happened and nobody will tell me when it will and I'm frustrated.

Do I think God is holding out on me? Yep, sure do. Do I know why? Nope, sure don't. I've gone through different seasons of life and they always end with me looking back and understanding exactly what it was God was trying to do in that particular season. For that, I am truly blessed. Few people have this same perspective. But right now, I'm not sure. It's not in God's nature to just make stuff up because He was bored. He has a plan in everything and my job is to be obedient; not understand.

I can feel the depression trying to creep in. That lie in the pit of my stomach that says I'm not good enough. That even if God did give me what I so deeply desire, I'd ruin it and push it away. The lie that says my flaws are too great to be overcome and my life is as good as it's ever going to get. The lie that says I'm not valuable to the team because I'm not in a relationship. . .

Why are lies so much harder than truth? Perhaps it's because it's easier to believe yourself than someone else. Or it's easier to believe someone else instead of God.

Routine. Routine is comfortable but it's a fog. I have been investing so much time into routine and taking care of everyone else that I've neglected to take care of myself. To be mindful of where I'm at emotionally and now I feel so far down a hole  that climbing out makes me want to just sleep instead. Depression. It's that list of lies you've started believing so subtly that now the compilation of them seems daunting.

But my God is faithful. He will never leave me or forsake me. He has created me in His image and empowered me with His strength and optimism. He loves me and He will see me through this season of my life. While I dedicate time to finding my joy, passion and purpose, He will continue to do a work in me until it is completed. He is the ruler of my thoughts and the King of my future. He affirms me. No one else.