Fear Not

Isaiah 41:10 tells us not to fear for God is with us. That's great advice but difficult to actually apply to our everyday lives. 

It's about 5:30am on a Saturday morning and I'm currently on an Amtrak Train to NYC. This morning I couldn't help but feel a sense of fear and uneasiness as I processed the fact that my train is taking the exact same route as the train that derailed last spring. As I rode through that same sharp curve, I prayed for the families that will be waking up this morning one family member short. I prayed that they would find the strength to get out of bed and that their breath would come easy to them. I can't even imagine what it would be like to live through a horror like that. 

I was at the derailment site last spring. I helped hand out towels to first responders and I aided as needed. I saw the faces of the "un-injured" victims as they walked with police to go give their statement. 

I hope that as I celebrate today, I can in some way redeem the journey those people never got to complete and I pray that I will carry the light of Christ into every conversation. I'm beyond excited to spend the day with my brother and I can't wait to love on him!

The waiting game

I don't mind waiting as long as I can see the end is near. Put me in line at the grocery store or an amusement park and I don't like the wait, but I can manage it. However, as soon as the "ride has technical issues" or the "register stalls" I find myself very irritated and unable to recover. 

Expectation and disappointment. Two words that cause me a layer of anxiety. I dream big. Love big. Hope big. Inspire big. I expect that I'm going to be met with a level of respect for my aspirations and when that's shoved under the rug, I just can't. 

My birthday is this Saturday. It's a great excuse to spoil myself and celebrate how much I've grown this year. I've never been a second-year teacher before and this year was no easy ride like I thought it would be. I've laughed. I've cried and I've definitely sworn more times than I can count, but I know that God is still preparing me. James 4 reminds me that God withholds to protect and that He is still growing me into the powerful woman and wife He is equipping me to me. It can be so frustrating to sit with my roommates who are both in relationship and to envy what they have. But I'm not them. That's not my story to write. I would never trade my journey for someone else's and by no means am I going to discredit the path I'm on. It's a hard one, but my scars and muscle prove that God is bigger than my situation. I'll get married someday, and even if I don't, God is still perfect and my life does not lack. 

 Sure, I have my crush and whether or not he gives me the time of day, I know that he is sorting out his life too. In Gods perfect timing, He will allow me to find a helper and take on the kingdom for Jesus. Until then... God it's just me and you. Ride or die.